Good Notes #4
A note to myself, but what I hope too, a useful collection of notes for you.
Sometimes, having a bad day or bad days, means we feel more connected to our creativity and compelled to write (or pursue whatever your creative outlet is), because we simply have to let it out. The stimulus behind this exercise, was facing things head on.
Perhaps this can help you as well, to not just write, but to get to the bottom of things, to face what’s troubling you and talk to your panic.
Talking to our panic
I recently had a session with my human design therapist, and I was reminded that there are so many of us who are panicking, and when I am in the trenches of my own, I forget that there may be others who are panicking in the volcanic way I have been. He reassures me that so many of us are living life, perhaps living being the operative word, in a way we never have, that feels uncomfortable, challenging and far more emotionally exhausting than before. We are juggling some sizeable decisions in a time where very little seems stable. That really latched onto me. I am making big life decisions now and it is worrisome.
After talking through my specific worries, the things that have been keeping me up, and suddenly during the day grabbing hold of me and yelling in my face, I learnt that these worries are valid, but too much worry and you are fearful. Letting fear control you is dangerous.
A needed soothing thought- fear is a construction and most of what we worry about doesn’t come to fruition. From the fear that’s been settling within, he reminded me of its antidote- self-compassion. I think just being hopeful is a little too fragile. But having self-compassion and being truly supportive of yourself, can shift your entire perspective.
I imagine life is easier when you are your own biggest supporter. I will keep trying.
I think me writing this, to you, is a token of self-compassion. To write this with the purpose of emptying, connecting, and talking to strangers who might be feeling similarly, to reach out and feel community. Maybe that’s a form of self-love. To make a conscious effort to connect to others and fill yourself up at the same time.
Lessons for me and maybe for you.
1. We are not our thoughts- our thoughts are our projections, and our thoughts often change because we are changing with our experiences, so a thought that you might have had yesterday or a few weeks ago, doesn’t define you, it’s just a thought.
2. When we are in a heightened state of emotion, we cannot believe that we are not our thoughts. It’s important to let those feelings in to bring you clarity. But they will not last. Your worst days are not the reality of things.
3. Ask yourself the questions you need to, to invite the discomfort in because it has purpose. Discomfort is about getting to a place you feel far better in.
4. Change is possible when we want change. Wanting, wishing, hoping for something is part of the bigger picture, but fragmental in comparison to activating change.
5. Self-compassion is about appreciating and liking parts of yourself, enough to let them positively lead your life. We all have flaws, and we are all trying to just enjoy life with what we’ve got but self-compassion is the key to getting through life where the blows don’t seem so big.
These are some flowers I painted, more watercolours to come as part of a watercolour + poetry series.
A poem about talking to our panic (it has no title, suggestions welcome)
Clad in sheaths of scripture
That speaks no sense
A jumble of letters trying to make sense
But spiral in their own pace
That moves too quickly
For meaning to percolate.
Seize hold of your face, palms framing your face
Hold your mind and in the mirror
Of the silver plate
Of you staring back at you
Abandon the skeletal voice
That speaks only false fear.
Be kind to it when it startles
Traipsing in uninvited
Only to take its hand and walk
It through your jigsaw world
of all that has been and will come.
It behind you, you leading the way
Showing off your garden in bloom
Things past frozen
Retaining their grace with still life
Past and future in harmony
Stepping forth, leading the way.
Thank you for reading. I am Emma and I publish writing tips and prompts on my website. I am an IELTS tutor and tutor for conversational English.